Name: Waka-sensei
Author: Milton Chanes

Berlin has a nightlife that never appears in the guidebooks. Claire is given the assignment of uncovering it. For eleven years, she has made a living asking questions. But there is one she has never known how to answer.

What do you want?

When a French magazine sends her to explore Berlin’s most intimate nightlife, Claire begins crossing doors she once would have observed only from the outside: sex-positive clubs, private parties and nameless places where desire, boundaries and consent are spoken about with startling clarity.

At first, she believes watching is enough. But Berlin has different rules. The deeper she enters into other people’s secrets and desires, the harder it becomes to ignore her own. Perhaps the real secret of Berlin nightlife is not what happens behind closed doors.

Perhaps it is what you discover about yourself when you finally decide to go in.

What I’m Not Sure I Want is a contemporary, sensual novel about desire, identity, consent and the difficult question of knowing what we truly want.

In many places in Berlin, you simply won’t get in. It doesn’t matter where you come from, the colour of your skin, how you dress, or how well you think you know the city. Nothing guarantees that you will understand the logic of the door, and absolutely nothing guarantees that you will be invited to cross it.

But if, one night, you do make it inside, if you cross that threshold and accept its rules, you begin to understand something that is difficult to explain from the outside. For a few hours, you are no longer simply someone visiting Berlin. You become part of its night.

That is also what Claire discovers. Because experiencing the city’s true nightlife is not simply about finding the right doors. It is about discovering who you are when they finally open.

Claire can cross the door. The real choice is who walks through it.

But if, one night, you make it past the door — if you cross that threshold and accept its rules — you begin to understand something that is almost impossible to explain from the outside. For a few hours, you are no longer simply visiting Berlin. You become part of its night.

That is what Claire begins to discover. Because entering Berlin’s hidden nightlife is not only about finding the right doors. It is about what happens when they finally open — and who you choose to become once you step through.

The question is simple: when the door opens, who will walk through it — Claire or Juliette?